Body of Evidence

A big thank you

It was looking a bit touch and go for a while but thanks to your kind donations we have been able to transform the school's non existent sports facilities into a junior version of Gladiators. Things over here can move quite slowly to say the least so to turn this around in such a short period has been a unique challenge. A particularly lively debate has ensued to the relative merits of different pieces of equipment. After a forensic inspection of the terrain a motion was passed that due to its slightly uneven camber Netball and Basketball would be too dangerous. Further investigations into the annals of the local schools cooberated the evidence as reports came in of afore mentioned injuries occurring on a similar terrain at a nearby school. Therefore Badminton and Volleyball were awarded sport du jour. Due entirely to your altruistic generosity the pupils at Mandella School can now 'exercise their bodies' as they say over here on:

5 footballs
A full 11 a side football kit
Training cones
Training bibs
1 Volleyball net and bespoke posts
6 volleyballs
1 badminton net and bespoke posts
8 badminton rackets and shuttlecocks
1 table tennis table and net
8 table tennis bats and balls
15 skipping ropes

Below as promised is photographic evidence of all the equipment being used. Unfortunately I don't have video footage of the extremely long presentation ceremony that preceded. But suffice to say I would like to pass the vast majority of the 'praise the Lords' onto you.

I am coming with the sports stuff

At the moment we are in some protracted negotiations with the finest sports vendors in Ghana in order to solicit the best price for the kit. We are currently developing a number of haggling strategies which I am thinking of converting into a negotiation/ self-help book, audio CD and seminars series. Techniques include 'The white man stays outside', 'would you like to see a picture of the children?' and 'the slow walk out'. At the moment some of them are working better than others. But I promise to have the pictures by the end of the week.

The Mr Kennedy takes off as Ghana's answer to the Macarena

Last orders at the bar

Thank you everyone who has kindly offered to donate funds to the school. The search has begun for kit as I made my first scout for equipment this morning. I am aiming to get everything done and dusted by Friday so I can leave the next week for trying to find some gainful employment. For those of you who have said they would like to contribute please could you drop me an email with the amount just so I can do the sums for what we can afford.
As a fringe benefit, this little fund raising project has provided me with content for my lessons. Together the kids have been working in teams to provide proposals for what they would like to go into the playground. One team of smart Alecs have requested a swimming pool. So if by the slightest chance an eccentric multimillionaire philanthropist is reading this there is a chance to be the patron of what I hazard a guess would be Ghana’s first ever school swimming pool. Plus I am sure we can throw in the film rights to what could become Ghana’s answer to ‘Cool Runnings’ .

Consumer testing for my patented Xmas toy bestseller for 2009 bodes well

Back to the dusty road

To celebrate my birthday it was back to the bush once more to say goodbye for the final time. We (or more accurately ‘I’ ) drunk lots of beer and played the played ‘Spa’ the card game of choice until late into the night. One plays Spa with a little more gusto than any other card games I have encountered with extra kudos gained from the force with which the cards are propelled onto the table

Even on my special day I was shown no mercy and came a spectacular last. There’s something quite fantastic about being thrashed at cards by a nine year old in the middle of the jungle on your 29^th birthday. Even if they are taunting you with the title of ‘Mr Two (points)’ as they career to twenty. I won’t plumb the subterranean depth of my frustration at this performance, suffice to say, somehow the more I understand of the rules the worse I do. A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing I suppose. In my darker moments I have considered trawling the internet in a vain hope to find an insider’s guide. But until now I have stopped short due to the thought of the psychological ramifications of then still losing by a country mile.

The first graduate from the Max Kennedy Soccer School takes to the stage

Technical difficulties have prevented me from correspondence for the past week, so there is somewhat of a backlog of my ramblings

First off it was off to see Ghana play Tunisia at the national stadium. I know people bang on about the Premiership, but frankly it doesn’t have a patch on the football over here. Try getting to choose your own seats on the half time line for £2.50 at Chelsea. While with one quick gesture of the hand a high spirited boy will sprint over to deliver an ice cold beer to your seat for 50p. All taking place in a temperature akin to sitting in a nice warm bath.

The score was 0-0, but that’s really immaterial as the real action occurs in the crowd as countless fringe debates rage oblivious to the run of play. If you manage to pipe up with a particularly insightful comment about the match you can easily command a much greater audience amongst your vicinity than a spectacular goal.

A last minute entry into the 2008 Miss Ghana competition flies over from London

In case of any confusion

A few people have contacted me to clarify how they can get any monetary donations over here. The highly amateur approach I had in mind was for anyone to email me and I can either give them my bank details. Western Union and the like I feel will eat up the money and from my experience with the Nike package could become a nightmare. All receipts will be kept and circulated with signed affidavit should anyone think this a desperate quick rich scheme from a unemployed ad man facing a credit crunched winter in the UK and that in fact I am superimposing sports equipment onto playground images.

The unofficial Nelson Mandela Appeal launches today

A few altruistic souls have contacted me wanting to offer a helping hand to our brothers and sisters over here. Chance has it that there is a little project I have in mind which I thought it best practice to open up to everything, should they feel the urge do a good deed for Christmas.

Currently I am residing as acting Head of P.E at Mandela Secondary School. Although Physical exercise is a legal requirement, up till this point there has been nobody taking any sports whatsoever. Principally because there is not one piece of equipment.

Even for as creative a mind as mine, it’s a slight leap to teach netball without a netball or nets. As it’s an urban school there is no grass playing field, but the square pictured above has great potential to be a hive of sporting excellence with a little help from you.

The exception this will have from other charitable endeavours is you will actually be able to see the fruits of your generosity come to life. Rather than dropping a couple of quid in well shook collection box with a photo id of dubious quality attached, I will be able to post pictures of the children partaking with gleeful aplum with your donations.

Plaques reading:

The Mrs J Lee ‘Butterly’ dance mat

The Mr N Chester ‘Well bone’ skate ramp

The Mr S.L. Blank ‘Powerhouse’ gym

Any hoo, I have tried to set up one of those ‘Just Giving’ accounts but it looks like you have to be a registered charity to go on it so I will have to settle with an email (maxkennedy@hotmail.co.uk) should you want to contribute- unless anyone knows of a more efficient means.

In a country where the average wage is less than £10 no contribution is too small. Even enough to buy some table tennis balls would be a godsend as I am not sure how many more ‘Star Jumps’ I can do and keep sane.

Good bye Konko hello Nungua

After having spent two months without turning a tap or flicking a light switch I bid farewell to Konko. The dusty road is replaced by the sandy beach. Mud walls with concrete. The jungle mist (I hope) will become a sea breeze. As I cram into a local tro-tro public minibus, the wind of change also blows across Africa. Its collective psyche jumped a notch this week as Barack Obama entered the Whitehouse. Reggae songs bearing his name blear out of radios and chalk boards announce parties in his honour. As I settle down in my new abode, the deafening calls of frogs and crickets have been replaced by muffled music from the beach, the sound of a cooling fan and the prospect of a cold beer!!

But it's a case of 'ko bra' ('go and come' in Twi) because in two weeks I will be back to visit the bush for my birthday and have already selected the goat which is to be killed and shared to celebrate. But for now it's time for some modern century R&R- Microchips, Segway tours, Laser disk movies- whatever it takes.

Stomachs in Need

While half of the village's kids have torso akin to junior Peter Andres, the other half seem to going for the Jocky Wilson look. On further enquiry it turns out they don't in fact have a secret darts league in the bush but their paunches are the work of worms. Apart from leaving the kids constantly famished, there are a lot of not so nice side effects from these uninvited guests. After a chat with a local clinic it seems one tablet before bed time is all required to show them the door.

So on November 8th I staged Konko's inaugural 'Stomachs in Need'. After procuring 200 tablets we set up store in the school. The nurse administered the medicine while I played Terry Wogan, weaving the occasional anecdote between awarding prizes for 'best stomach in show' and 'best newcomer' for some of the babies. Within three hours we had reached our 200 target on the 'stomachometer'.

Now this is what I call real art

My time in the bush is drawing to a close. But before I can leave the charcoal fires, wandering goats and chickens there are a few loose ends to be tied.

First off, the school has to be finished. After forty days flying solo and a crumbling spine I decided to accept some of the guys' offers to lend me a hand. Obviously they can paint a thousand times quicker than me while using one tenth of the paint so progress from this point accelerated somewhat. While at the same time picking up a few colourful Twi words along the way as the banter flowed. My personal favourite being 'oakrasini' meaning 'villager'. Nobody wants to be labelled as such so it comes in handy for gentle cajolement, especially while coaching football i.e. 'last one to fill in the blank is an oakrasini.'

Two days before my departure date, 52 days, 27 buckets of paint, two rollers and seven brushes later we finished and dined out on warm beer and rice. I don't think the Ghanaian Elle Decoration will be calling to do a double page spread nevertheless it definitely looks a lot better. Plus my attitude is that any splatters of paint are due to the influence of Jackson Pollock rather than poor workmanship.

P.S. All the guys in this picture informed me that they are looking for white wives, sight unseen if necessary, if that should be of interest to anyone. It's just I promised them I'd mention it.

The launch party for Konko Tubes goes down a storm

Konko water board

More Fire!

Rastaman and me took a rest from the bush and headed to the Capital for the Celebration of the Coronation of His Highness The Emperor Haile Selassie. If Church of England services were this much fun I am positive that Britain’s churches would be packed to the rafters with young worshippers