Ginger Mischief

Phone malfunction

2009-08-26T06:05:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, although my iphone 3GS is fully equipped for the trials and tribulations of a city slicker, it is less familiar with the damp tents and torrential rain of Western Scotland and has thus been sacrificed to the elements. Luckily I have a back up camera but any visual treats will have to be saved until my return. I hope you will be able to wait that long. Mx

Dinner time with the cows

2009-08-24T10:53:00.001-07:00

Fishing for a not too wee pike in lochthorn Dumfries

2009-08-24T10:50:00.001-07:00

Catching up with the relatives

2009-08-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

The homeland at laaast

2009-08-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

Some r&r with the support team

2009-08-24T07:03:00.000-07:00

August hale on the Yorkshire moors

2009-08-24T07:01:00.000-07:00

Pushing the 1000k mark

2009-08-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

Ben the sheepdog chilaxing after a hard morning's graft

2009-08-21T06:05:00.000-07:00

Theee north

2009-08-20T14:39:00.001-07:00

The moors

2009-08-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

Hoody

2009-08-20T14:38:00.000-07:00

500 miles

2009-08-20T14:35:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Blackburn

2009-08-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

Roughing it on the river

2009-08-19T12:44:00.000-07:00

Manchester canals

2009-08-19T12:43:00.001-07:00

2009-08-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

Kennedy senior takes the lead with a 5 pound barbel on the Severn. Boom!

2009-08-17T11:15:00.000-07:00

Thu meedlands

2009-08-17T07:08:00.001-07:00

Sleeping rough by the river

2009-08-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

Off piste in stourport

2009-08-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

2009-08-17T07:06:00.003-07:00

Plums and jazz the perfect combination

2009-08-17T07:06:00.001-07:00

Relaxing in bath

2009-08-14T14:54:00.000-07:00

The Beast of the Avon

2009-08-14T14:52:00.000-07:00

Genuine gypsies

2009-08-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

215 miles to Glastonbury

2009-08-14T03:39:00.000-07:00

Room at the inn at a working farm

2009-08-12T13:30:00.000-07:00

Wild Horsey headbutt

2009-08-12T13:29:00.000-07:00

Dartmoor, as beautiful as it is hilly

2009-08-12T13:26:00.000-07:00

The 150 mile mark

2009-08-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

No Fish yet!!!!

2009-08-11T13:46:00.001-07:00

There's more to fields than London Fields

2009-08-11T13:43:00.001-07:00

Day one 66 miles/100 km

2009-08-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

Every cloud

2009-08-11T13:40:00.001-07:00

Technical hitch

2009-08-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

The End of the Land

2009-08-11T13:30:00.001-07:00

Body of Evidence

2008-12-17T04:17:00.000-08:00

A big thank you

2008-12-17T03:16:00.000-08:00

It was looking a bit touch and go for a while but thanks to your kind donations we have been able to transform the school's non existent sports facilities into a junior version of Gladiators. Things over here can move quite slowly to say the least so to turn this around in such a short period has been a unique challenge. A particularly lively debate has ensued to the relative merits of different pieces of equipment. After a forensic inspection of the terrain a motion was passed that due to its slightly uneven camber Netball and Basketball would be too dangerous. Further investigations into the annals of the local schools cooberated the evidence as reports came in of afore mentioned injuries occurring on a similar terrain at a nearby school. Therefore Badminton and Volleyball were awarded sport du jour. Due entirely to your altruistic generosity the pupils at Mandella School can now 'exercise their bodies' as they say over here on:

5 footballs
A full 11 a side football kit
Training cones
Training bibs
1 Volleyball net and bespoke posts
6 volleyballs
1 badminton net and bespoke posts
8 badminton rackets and shuttlecocks
1 table tennis table and net
8 table tennis bats and balls
15 skipping ropes

Below as promised is photographic evidence of all the equipment being used. Unfortunately I don't have video footage of the extremely long presentation ceremony that preceded. But suffice to say I would like to pass the vast majority of the 'praise the Lords' onto you.

I am coming with the sports stuff

2008-12-10T11:46:00.000-08:00

At the moment we are in some protracted negotiations with the finest sports vendors in Ghana in order to solicit the best price for the kit. We are currently developing a number of haggling strategies which I am thinking of converting into a negotiation/ self-help book, audio CD and seminars series. Techniques include 'The white man stays outside', 'would you like to see a picture of the children?' and 'the slow walk out'. At the moment some of them are working better than others. But I promise to have the pictures by the end of the week.

The Mr Kennedy takes off as Ghana's answer to the Macarena

2008-12-10T11:35:00.000-08:00

Last orders at the bar

2008-12-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

Thank you everyone who has kindly offered to donate funds to the school. The search has begun for kit as I made my first scout for equipment this morning. I am aiming to get everything done and dusted by Friday so I can leave the next week for trying to find some gainful employment. For those of you who have said they would like to contribute please could you drop me an email with the amount just so I can do the sums for what we can afford.
As a fringe benefit, this little fund raising project has provided me with content for my lessons. Together the kids have been working in teams to provide proposals for what they would like to go into the playground. One team of smart Alecs have requested a swimming pool. So if by the slightest chance an eccentric multimillionaire philanthropist is reading this there is a chance to be the patron of what I hazard a guess would be Ghana’s first ever school swimming pool. Plus I am sure we can throw in the film rights to what could become Ghana’s answer to ‘Cool Runnings’ .

Consumer testing for my patented Xmas toy bestseller for 2009 bodes well

2008-12-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

Back to the dusty road

2008-12-03T08:42:00.000-08:00

To celebrate my birthday it was back to the bush once more to say goodbye for the final time. We (or more accurately ‘I’ ) drunk lots of beer and played the played ‘Spa’ the card game of choice until late into the night. One plays Spa with a little more gusto than any other card games I have encountered with extra kudos gained from the force with which the cards are propelled onto the table

Even on my special day I was shown no mercy and came a spectacular last. There’s something quite fantastic about being thrashed at cards by a nine year old in the middle of the jungle on your 29^th birthday. Even if they are taunting you with the title of ‘Mr Two (points)’ as they career to twenty. I won’t plumb the subterranean depth of my frustration at this performance, suffice to say, somehow the more I understand of the rules the worse I do. A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing I suppose. In my darker moments I have considered trawling the internet in a vain hope to find an insider’s guide. But until now I have stopped short due to the thought of the psychological ramifications of then still losing by a country mile.

The first graduate from the Max Kennedy Soccer School takes to the stage

2008-12-03T08:21:00.000-08:00

Technical difficulties have prevented me from correspondence for the past week, so there is somewhat of a backlog of my ramblings

First off it was off to see Ghana play Tunisia at the national stadium. I know people bang on about the Premiership, but frankly it doesn’t have a patch on the football over here. Try getting to choose your own seats on the half time line for £2.50 at Chelsea. While with one quick gesture of the hand a high spirited boy will sprint over to deliver an ice cold beer to your seat for 50p. All taking place in a temperature akin to sitting in a nice warm bath.

The score was 0-0, but that’s really immaterial as the real action occurs in the crowd as countless fringe debates rage oblivious to the run of play. If you manage to pipe up with a particularly insightful comment about the match you can easily command a much greater audience amongst your vicinity than a spectacular goal.

A last minute entry into the 2008 Miss Ghana competition flies over from London

2008-12-03T07:47:00.000-08:00

In case of any confusion

2008-11-20T05:38:00.000-08:00

A few people have contacted me to clarify how they can get any monetary donations over here. The highly amateur approach I had in mind was for anyone to email me and I can either give them my bank details. Western Union and the like I feel will eat up the money and from my experience with the Nike package could become a nightmare. All receipts will be kept and circulated with signed affidavit should anyone think this a desperate quick rich scheme from a unemployed ad man facing a credit crunched winter in the UK and that in fact I am superimposing sports equipment onto playground images.

The unofficial Nelson Mandela Appeal launches today

2008-11-19T05:49:00.000-08:00

A few altruistic souls have contacted me wanting to offer a helping hand to our brothers and sisters over here. Chance has it that there is a little project I have in mind which I thought it best practice to open up to everything, should they feel the urge do a good deed for Christmas.

Currently I am residing as acting Head of P.E at Mandela Secondary School. Although Physical exercise is a legal requirement, up till this point there has been nobody taking any sports whatsoever. Principally because there is not one piece of equipment.

Even for as creative a mind as mine, it’s a slight leap to teach netball without a netball or nets. As it’s an urban school there is no grass playing field, but the square pictured above has great potential to be a hive of sporting excellence with a little help from you.

The exception this will have from other charitable endeavours is you will actually be able to see the fruits of your generosity come to life. Rather than dropping a couple of quid in well shook collection box with a photo id of dubious quality attached, I will be able to post pictures of the children partaking with gleeful aplum with your donations.

Plaques reading:

The Mrs J Lee ‘Butterly’ dance mat

The Mr N Chester ‘Well bone’ skate ramp

The Mr S.L. Blank ‘Powerhouse’ gym

Any hoo, I have tried to set up one of those ‘Just Giving’ accounts but it looks like you have to be a registered charity to go on it so I will have to settle with an email (maxkennedy@hotmail.co.uk) should you want to contribute- unless anyone knows of a more efficient means.

In a country where the average wage is less than £10 no contribution is too small. Even enough to buy some table tennis balls would be a godsend as I am not sure how many more ‘Star Jumps’ I can do and keep sane.

Good bye Konko hello Nungua

2008-11-11T09:12:00.000-08:00

After having spent two months without turning a tap or flicking a light switch I bid farewell to Konko. The dusty road is replaced by the sandy beach. Mud walls with concrete. The jungle mist (I hope) will become a sea breeze. As I cram into a local tro-tro public minibus, the wind of change also blows across Africa. Its collective psyche jumped a notch this week as Barack Obama entered the Whitehouse. Reggae songs bearing his name blear out of radios and chalk boards announce parties in his honour. As I settle down in my new abode, the deafening calls of frogs and crickets have been replaced by muffled music from the beach, the sound of a cooling fan and the prospect of a cold beer!!

But it's a case of 'ko bra' ('go and come' in Twi) because in two weeks I will be back to visit the bush for my birthday and have already selected the goat which is to be killed and shared to celebrate. But for now it's time for some modern century R&R- Microchips, Segway tours, Laser disk movies- whatever it takes.

Stomachs in Need

2008-11-11T09:02:00.000-08:00

While half of the village's kids have torso akin to junior Peter Andres, the other half seem to going for the Jocky Wilson look. On further enquiry it turns out they don't in fact have a secret darts league in the bush but their paunches are the work of worms. Apart from leaving the kids constantly famished, there are a lot of not so nice side effects from these uninvited guests. After a chat with a local clinic it seems one tablet before bed time is all required to show them the door.

So on November 8th I staged Konko's inaugural 'Stomachs in Need'. After procuring 200 tablets we set up store in the school. The nurse administered the medicine while I played Terry Wogan, weaving the occasional anecdote between awarding prizes for 'best stomach in show' and 'best newcomer' for some of the babies. Within three hours we had reached our 200 target on the 'stomachometer'.

Now this is what I call real art

2008-11-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

My time in the bush is drawing to a close. But before I can leave the charcoal fires, wandering goats and chickens there are a few loose ends to be tied.

First off, the school has to be finished. After forty days flying solo and a crumbling spine I decided to accept some of the guys' offers to lend me a hand. Obviously they can paint a thousand times quicker than me while using one tenth of the paint so progress from this point accelerated somewhat. While at the same time picking up a few colourful Twi words along the way as the banter flowed. My personal favourite being 'oakrasini' meaning 'villager'. Nobody wants to be labelled as such so it comes in handy for gentle cajolement, especially while coaching football i.e. 'last one to fill in the blank is an oakrasini.'

Two days before my departure date, 52 days, 27 buckets of paint, two rollers and seven brushes later we finished and dined out on warm beer and rice. I don't think the Ghanaian Elle Decoration will be calling to do a double page spread nevertheless it definitely looks a lot better. Plus my attitude is that any splatters of paint are due to the influence of Jackson Pollock rather than poor workmanship.

P.S. All the guys in this picture informed me that they are looking for white wives, sight unseen if necessary, if that should be of interest to anyone. It's just I promised them I'd mention it.

The launch party for Konko Tubes goes down a storm

2008-11-06T02:37:00.000-08:00

Konko water board

2008-11-03T04:13:00.000-08:00

More Fire!

2008-11-03T04:02:00.000-08:00

Rastaman and me took a rest from the bush and headed to the Capital for the Celebration of the Coronation of His Highness The Emperor Haile Selassie. If Church of England services were this much fun I am positive that Britain’s churches would be packed to the rafters with young worshippers

One for the stairs

2008-11-03T03:32:00.000-08:00

When a funeral comes to the village the place temporarily transforms to the African equivalent of Ibiza. They bring generators and blare out music from 7 in the morning till the small hours for three days solid. Whether you have ever met the deceased is of no importance, you pay your respects by dancing all night and getting a little merry. With no electricity, when the chance to party appears the locals don’t have to be asked twice.

This occasion afforded me the opportunity to sample the local tipple. Brewed out in the bush from sugar cane and some other unspecified ingredients. The first of couple of swigs were a bit of a challenge, but after the initial shock and once the spluttering subsided I started to develop a bit of a taste for it. A cross between petrol and mead, if it will keep, it will definitely make a welcome addition to the cocktail cabinet. “Would anyone care for a bush brew martini?”

Am Pang

2008-10-28T05:04:00.000-07:00

Each evening after football training hundreds of birds the size of crows fly overhead. In turns out in fact that these creatures are actually bats or ‘Am pang’ as they are called in Twi- the local dialect. More importantly still the boys tell told me that they eat them in the bush eat them. Apparently they taste like chicken which seems to be the default flavour of all things unusual. My appetite whetted I set off into the market armed with the words ‘Am pang’ and my best impression of a bat. After a couple of fruitless trips I struck gold. I had myself two of an old lady’s Am Pangs safely in my rucksack.

Back at the village the lady in the hut next door after about half an hour of hysterical laughter agreed to make me a traditional bat stew. Funnily enough as the dish came near to completion the boys started to become steadily less keen to partake. Once I started to tuck in I realised why. These bats didn’t taste like any chicken I have ever had. Unless the chicken had been dipped in tarmac and sprinkled with the contents of a Lambert and Butler cigarette.

News has travelled around the village that the Obrewni loves Am Pang and soon I had a visit from a boy who has offered to catch me a snake for 25p. I said I had to ‘see it with my eye’ to check it is good snake meat before any deal is made.

Eat your heart out Philip Tracy

2008-10-25T06:01:00.000-07:00

Rain stops play

2008-10-22T03:50:00.000-07:00

The inaugural Jo Lee dance off competition kicks off

2008-10-22T03:25:00.000-07:00

The carrying of the chiefs

2008-10-22T03:06:00.001-07:00

At the invitation of the Konko chief we took a trip into the mountains of Akrepong to celebrate the Ashanti tribes annual festival culminating in 'The carrying of the chiefs'. Although I don't think Rio needs to worry too much about the competition a thoroughly good time was had by all- depending on your respective chief's weight.

More Konko catwalk

2008-10-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

Spidaman's little bro has his own look going on.

Going classic Africa for Church

The super hero look is massive here

Chief Mowing Grass

2008-10-14T06:07:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple of days I have been thrust into Konko’s political epicentre. The mower has become a big deal and everyone wants to use it. The problem is, I am told by Rastaman, that the vast majority of the village are not fully versed in the rudiments of mowing, maintenance of a combustion engine and the associated dangers of a rotating blade. If given out willy-nilly five year old kids would be trying to cut their hair with it and drinking the petrol and so forth.
We have a problem, we all want the mower to help as much in the community but we also want it and people’s health maintained. After much deliberations involving the elders and chief a solution was put on the table. Rastaman would have full use of the mower to cut the football pitch. While if any other party would wish to use it, there must go through Bosay (an elder within the village) who would assess their claim. Their knowledge of mowing and an inspection of the terrain would be the main criteria to be judged.
This seems a reasonable solution, until the next morning when Rastaman spliced one of his fingers in half after putting his hand in the mower. It seems he was no better versed.

Hey that’s one of my dance moves!

2008-10-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

That guy at the back needs to get some of his own moves and stop stealing mine.

Medasi Bakul and James

2008-10-14T05:22:00.000-07:00

A big Ghanaian thank you goes out to Bakul for sorting out all the Nike kit. This was by no means an easy feat as I tried myself to no avail for months. Equal props go out to James as well for his generation donation that allowed me to buy 15 pairs of boots as well. Your kind deeds will be rewarded in heaven or the Indian or Buddhist equivalent - you can choose.
Equipment like this just doesn't exist over here and not one of the kids who have actually ever had anything new before. So it was quite humbling experience to see them open the box and try them on. They are so valuable that they are not allowed to even take them home and have to return them safely to our hut after training.

Reggae Nights

2008-10-14T04:52:00.000-07:00

Things are moving relatively quickly in dusty Konko. We had to take a trip into the capital Accra to hunt for a mower and pick up our Nike packages from customs. There are no Lakesides or Bluewaters out here and it was exhausting to say the least. But at the last minute everything slipped into place and we were able to leave triumphant. We even managed to fit in a reggae party on the beach in the evening. Rastaman has informed me November 2nd is the Coronation of the Holy Emperor Haile Sellassie and the I and I and himself are set for much celebrations as Ghana's rasta's descend on the capital. The party offered the perfect time to brush up on my bogling.

Snake Charmer United

2008-10-03T06:59:00.000-07:00

These U8's have turned up and said they want to start a team. They are as wild as they come. They sleep outside in the bush some nights and have six packs like Peter Andre in his pomp. I asked one of the adults what these lads do for fun otherwise, to which he replied 'some like to go and catch live snakes.' I am not sure entirely if there are any transferrable skills to football.
Perhaps they could apply for it to be included as an Olympic sport for 2012. I would definitely watch it over softball.

The ginger Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen

2008-10-03T06:18:00.000-07:00

Up till now the nearest I have ever got to DIY is that my mother gets her haircut by the same person as Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen. However all that changed this week when I did a deal with the school headmaster. I promised to finance and single handedly paint the entire school over the next two months on the condition that he introduces wine tasting into the curricullum for all those over five years old and erects a bust of my likeness over the front door. Plus change the name to 'King Max Kennedy school.' I took a shake of the hand as an explicit 'yes' to all.
I can now see why Mr Miyagi was such a fan of painting as it's pretty hard work. Only five more classrooms to go..
Once I can find a mower that's not made by 'Handa' or 'Yamama' and can do the lawn, Konko is going to be perfectly primed for it's first village fete. I wonder if Ghana has a branch of the WI.

Saved by the bamboo work

2008-10-03T05:50:00.000-07:00

The mighty village of Sanfo came down to the Theatre of Dreams to take on our Kenko boys. A goal down in the first we pulled level late in the second half. It is customary to award at least three penalties a game to keep the crowd happy and provide fuel for the also customary post match arguments. Eager not to disappoint the referee quickly pointed to the spot three times in our favour. We missed the first two, but in the last minute there was a chance to snatch victory and for one boy to become a hero. Up steps Mac.....

KFC takeaway Africa style

2008-09-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

Rastaman cooks a mean chicken. It don't come much fresher than dis!

Biggie Smalls is still alive and living Ghana!

2008-09-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

The sports regime and tan have already started to kick in!

2008-09-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

Ghanaian fashion week kicks off

2008-09-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

Nu Rave is huge in Ghana. This 'Superbrand' goes by the name of 'Spida Man' and is creative director of his own anti-fashion freelance stylist fanzine. Apparently he is absolutely massive on Ghanaian MySpace as well.

Fellow worshippers at the church of John DeLorean

2008-09-26T09:51:00.001-07:00

Ghana's Got Talent future winner

2008-09-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

This little chap may have never seen a video camera in his life but he's a natural

Pitch invasion Ghana style

2008-09-23T08:02:00.000-07:00

Like everything in Ghana there is no need to rush.

Snakes and mowers

2008-09-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

Here’s the village of Konko’s very own ‘Theatre of dreams’. David Beckham may be the highest paid footballer in the world and played in front of a hundred thousand fans singing his name. But I bet he’s never dribbled over a ten foot snake skin during a match. This is football Africa style. Konko village U12’s embarked on their first home game ever on Saturday, sponsored to the tune of the six figure sum of 200,000 Ghanaian Cedi (£10) by one ‘Mr Max Kennedy’.

On arrival for the game there was one small technical problem that threatened to put a halt on all proceedings. Not only had some of the opponents got beards, but some of them were arriving with children bigger than some of our players. In Ghana it seems age is a slightly fluid concept. No one has birth certificates, so instead they do it by weight a bit like boxing, not the only aspect of the sport they like to bring to their football. The only problem is they don’t have any scales either. After the customary half an hour of animated arguing, when the teams shook hands and I half expected their players to try and lead ours over a Zebra crossing.

What ensued for the next undisclosed and I suspect unmonitored time period, converted me a lifelong supporter of the way the way they play the beautiful game over here. Rupert Murdoch should tear up the billion pound Premiership broadcasting contract and start erecting camera towers in the jungle. There were so many pitch invasions, at the end of the match some of the crowd had run further than the players. Two penalty decisions reversed simply because the fans don’t leave the field until the referee concurs. Three sending offs, which I was informed is well below average and seen by the fans as a sign of lack of commitment.

The boys done better than good. A pack of little Davids, hunting together in piranha like fashion devouring their prey with studs rather than teeth. The pitch resembles more golf than football, you must stay out of the rough, and don’t lose it in the bunkers. Stray shots fly into the jungle undergrowth followed head first by a pack of kids to sniff it out. In the end the result read 0-1 to the visitors via an own goal. We won a penalty near the end but the match was abandoned due to a particularly enthusiastic pitch invasion. The score was a minor detail the day was ours!

After the customary hour after match hysterical arguing we said thank-you to the opponent’s coach. While he informed us that the only reason that he had said yes to the match was that he heard that my co-coach’s name was Tom from England and logically assumed that this would be the same Tom he met seven years ago.

Can’t wait till we play on Saturday, I am going to attempt to buy a lawnmower to elevate Konko’s ground to the Wembley of the region. Our village may not have running water or electricity or the like, but I’ll be damned if we can’t achieve a respectable pitch stripe.